Due to our frequent moves, FG has been at a different school each year since 2nd grade. She’s been blessed with wonderful teachers which really helped her adapt to a new school every year. Thankfully, she thrives in school and has had no problems fitting in with a new teacher and new friends. Until this year.
Since FG was continuing in the same school this year, I was surprised when about a week into the school year, FG asked if she could stay home from school and gave me the “my tummy hurts.” Since I was the queen of “my stomach hurts” as a child, I knew something else was going on and asked her what was happening at school. She gave me a “nothing”, got up and went off to school.
After that, I was more aware of subtle changes in her behavior as it related to school. A week later, she came downstairs and announced “this is my first day of school outfit.” When I asked her if she meant the first day of the week outfit and she said “No, for my first day of 6th grade.” That same evening, as I drove FG and three 6th graders to cheer practice. The entire conversation to and from the practice was FG asking her friends the following: who the best teacher was in 6th grade?, how do you go about requesting a teacher?, what do they do in class, are they nice?
FG was mentally checking out of 5th grade and already looking forward to 6th grade. Not a healthy condition by any stretch of the imagination.
After a little prodding and asking lots of questions, I found out what the problem was: she was scared of her teacher. I’m talking terrified. Nothing the teacher did was being directed at FG, but the way the teacher handled the uncooperative children was really getting to FG. She thought it was only a matter of time before it was “her turn” to get the teacher’s wrath.
I then called a couple of the other moms whose children were in the same class and I got the same feedback; their children were scared of the teacher. The difference was those girls were going home crying and wanting out of the class.
I wasn’t sure how to approach the teacher who has been teaching for many, many years. Would she be receptive to critique? Those who know me, know I’m a pretty direct person so I made an appointment with the teacher and the school guidance counselor. The counselor offered nothing throughout the conversation and, her one comment “I had a tough teacher in 5th grade and I got through it” solicited my stern reply of “I don’t want my child to ‘get through’ 5th grade, I want her to be excited about learning and thrive in 5th grade.” Needless to say, the counselor said very little for the rest of my visit.
The teacher was genuinely surprised FG & the other children were so scared of her. Once I told the teacher FG was worried, that during my meeting with her, I would hurt the teacher’s feelings by bringing this up, she seemed to realize how sensitive FG is to the feelings of others.
After we concluded our meeting (all of 15 minutes), we called FG in so the teacher could tell her she was sorry about FG being so terrified in class and the teacher tried to explain to FG that she was being extra tough in the beginning but would lighten up as the weeks go by. FG literally “shook” with nervousness the whole time the teacher spoke.
I left feeling better about the whole situation but it wasn’t until FG came home and announced “It was like the first day of school all over again ~ the whole vibe of the classroom has changed”, that I knew it was all going to be better. What a relief ~ she’s back to being her “excited about going to school” self again!
Update: I found out several of the moms who had appointments with the teacher cancelled because the change in the classroom was so dramatic. That might have been the most important appointment I had all year!
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Displaced Beachbums 